Lost and Searching

Castiel had been in awe of the angels falling. He didn’t know what to expect, or what would happen now. All he knew was...he needed help. He didn’t even know who to turn too. He didn’t even know who he could trust really. All he knew was, he had to find Sam and Dean somehow but then there was Dean.... He knew Dean would be furious with him, for everything, and now this. Castiel was almost scared to talk to the two of them and tell them what really happened. To make things worse, he was human now. Crowley... he knew Crowley was still tied up in that chair and he knew that Crowley also probably needed help. He wasn’t sure if the trial worked on him but he would soon find out that was for certain.

He wandered through the grass, and had talked to Crowley and even helped him a little bit. The boys had left him in the chair like that...and it turned out...Crowley was partially human. Or he at least had the human emotions that Castiel had. With Cas being all human, all he could do was at least untie the poor demon who was helpless and maybe try and talk to Sam and Dean sometime about it. Still.... he knew Dean would feel betrayed anyway.

Castiel sighed and walked out of the church and went back to the streets. As he remembered everything...the angels falling, and well...everything....his heart broke. He sighed. “What do I do?” he whispered. “How do I get Heaven back?” he sighed miserably. “Gabriel brother.... I wish you were here,” he said quietly. “I could use your help...” he said. He knew Gabriel was dead. It saddened him but he was the only one that could possibly help Heaven now. He didn’t trust the other archangels. None of them. Gabriel was the only one Cas trusted. What would he do now?



Tag: Gabriel
Setting: Woods
 

As Gabriel appeared beside him, Castiel was confused. He didn’t know Gabriel was back really, so it confused him because he was wondering why. He sighed and rubbed the back of his head a bit. “Gabriel?” Castiel asked softly, “How are you alive? Last I heard you were dead....” Cas observed. Castiel had so much going through his head for now that he knew he needed help, and he was glad his brother was there but at the same time he had to question it. “Was it Father?” he asked softly, “Cause I thought Father was gone...” he said turning around a bit.

He wondered if Gabriel would tell that he was human or not. He guessed he probably could, but at the same right, he knew that Gabriel may not be searching. Still.... Castiel sighed and decided he should know, “Gabriel I am human now...Metatron betrayed me and I lost my grace...” he sad softly.

He shrugged for a moment and looked the other way. He didn’t know what Gabriel would think of all this, “I let the angels fall,” he muttered. “I was trying to help Heaven not destroy it....” Castiel said. “I thought if we closed Heaven off to Earth, it would help everyone.... Sam and Dean were working on closing the demons off from Earth too but now....everything is a mess and its completely my fault,” Castiel muttered. “Once again I screwed up.... I do not expect to be an angel again Gabriel, but I do wish to help....” he said quietly.

Everyone was telling him not to blame himself but truth was Castiel didn’t want to hear about it. He sighed and rubbed his eyes for a minute. He was human now for a reason, that much he knew. So something had to be his fault. He knew what Gabriel was talking about though and he also knew that he had to fix Heaven and Fast. “Gabriel, someone has to be blamed, and after all I have done...you don’t know the half of it. You were gone during most of it,” Castiel sighed.

Castiel looked at Gabrel as he continued to talk. “After you died.... Sam jumped into Hell becuase they got the rings to work....your idea I believe...” Castiel said. He told Gabriel everything that happened since Sam jumped in the Pit. He told him how he became ‘God’ or at least acted like it. He told him about the Leviathans and everything else as well.

Castiel sighed, “So there you see why I blame myself for so much of this Gabriel? I may have only had the best intentions....but so did Lucifer...do you agree?” he asked softly to him.

Castiel sighed when Gabriel asked about Sam. The thing was, he wasn’t okay and Cas knew some of that was his own fault. Sam wasn’t the same since Castiel had put the images of Hell in his mind, but even so.... Sam was different now because of all that happened. Castiel shrugged a bit, “Sam is...Sam Gabriel...” he said “When has he ever really been ok?” he sighed, “The thing of it is....when I was...pretending to be God.... I gave Sam back his memories of Hell, when he was back on Earth...it messed him up, quite a bit...” Castiel said. “Grantit it was my fault...but I think Sam would have remembered Hell eventually anyway....” Castiel said.

He didn’t even want to think about what happened with Sam in Hell. He closed his eyes at the thought. He shrugged, “Truth is.... Sam did these trials.... to keep all demons from Hell, and....they did not go as expected...the trials took a lot out of him...in fact, we found out it was meant to kill him.... “ Castiel explained everything that happened.

“Meanwhile, I thought I was doing the angel trials, but now.... I found out Metatron betrayed me.... and he closed off Heaven to all the angels....perhaps this is why you are back....because of what happened to Heaven...” he said “We need an Archangel that we can trust...” Castiel said “So you really think I can’t blame myself after everything? After all I have done to Heaven, and to Earth?” he asked. “If you think you could help me....I would accept it....” Castiel said, “But I am to remain human Gabriel.... do you understand?” Castiel felt it was what he deserved after everything, it was what he wanted now....and now he had his freedom.... sorta...

Castiel nodded at Gabriel when he said that about Lucifer. “It completely messed Sam up for a while, and he may still be a little....off....” Castiel said “That is to be expected...” he said with a sigh. “Dean was the same way when it happened to him...” he said. He didn’t like the fact that his friends, no brothers, were both in Hell before. He wished he could have stopped it, but he had no way of doing that. “I haven’t seen much of Sam and Dean yet...” Castiel said. “Quite honesty..... I’m uh, well..... Dean was already irritated with me for not answering them when they asked...” he sighed, “And a few other things as well.... I didn’t trust him with the amulet....and then I lost it...its a whole long story...” he muttered.

“You didn’t want to come back? Where...were you exactly? Purgatory?” Castiel asked confused, “I was there, I looked for you...couldn't find you...” he said. “I am relieved you are back Gabriel, perhaps Father brought you back to fix this mess I put everyone in...” Castiel said honestly. “It needs fixing...and I need help since I Do not have my powers...” he said. “I know your not a fighter but Michael is trapped with Lucifer, there is no way out.... at least...not that I know of,” he said.

“Gabriel I am very relieved to see you, and perhaps Dean and Sam will feel the same way...” he said. “You are not useless, you are a powerful angel Gabriel.... perhaps even more so then Metatron, maybe you can help us break this spell...” he said. “It is okay to complain Gabriel....it seems that is all I have been doing lately as well.... “ he sighed. “I should have been dead the moment I pretended to be God, but yet I keep returning...” he said confused. “What I want to know is....why?”

Castiel looked at Gabriel, “The boys...I’m sure they think more highly of you since you defended us aganits Lucifer...” Casitel said honestly. “Tt may have been different when you stuck Sam and Dean into TV land...” he said. “Or when you made Dean die over and over again....but now.... I’m sure its different,” Castiel nodded confirming that. He knew that the Winchesters were probably grateful for what they had done with Lucifer and everything that happened. Maybe he was wrong, but he wasn’t the one to ask really.

“Father likes to do that to us...bring us back without explanation and no memory of what may have happened....” Castiel smirked a little. He shrugged, “Maybe there’s a reason for you being back, maybe your here to help,” Castiel could only come up with that explanation. He was tired too, tired of being here on Earth, and now he was human, which would proove to be interesting. Castiel frowned a bit when Gabriel asked him about dying. He shook his head, “No...” he said honestly. “I don’t...remember a thing really...” he said with a sigh. “Sadly...I am still not positive it was Father that actually brought me back...” he said

“You don’t think your as powerful as me? Gabriel your an Archangel, sure your not a fighter, but you still have powers. I have none.....” he said. “I will teach you to fight if i have to...but we need your help,” Castiel said “And to answer your questions....” he paused, ‘No, I do not cook...” he said honestly.

Castiel smiled a bit at Gabriel. He too remembered all that, and the thought was a bit funny now that he could think about it and laugh about it. He wasn’t so sure Dean and Sam would ever laugh about it but still.... it did have a good lesson to be learned, and Gabriel was good at giving lessons. “I don’t know who else could have brought me back Gabriel, I suppose it was just Father each time...” he said with a sigh. Though he was confused as to why. Someday he would like to speak to his Father about that, but until then....he just had to live his life, exactly what Metatron had said.

When Gabriel said he would teach him how to cook, Castiel felt it was helpless. He knew that he would struggle being human, but he also remembered a time when he could snap is fingers and food would be right there. It was a bit frustrating that he couldn’t do that any longer. He sighed at the thought. “That would be nice Gabriel, thank you, though I may be a lost cause...” he said quietly.

As they walked into the apartment Castiel noticed the dog there and raised his eyebrows. “Wait you have a dog?” he asked curiously. He never would have suspected Gabriel having pets. The dog came to him and he pet him and suddenly started to sneeze. “What is going on?” he asked curiously. He kept sneezing for a few moments and didn’t stop. He sneezed into his coat so that he wouldn’t sneeze on Gabriel or anything. “I do not understand this...” he said frowning and then sneezed again as the dog came to him.